By Henry Precht

BN Columnist

As I pick up my [figurative] pen this afternoon, the radio is reporting that President Trump wants to buy Greenland from the Kingdom of Denmark, of which it is a self-governing territory. None of the expert pundits knowledgeable about such executive branch matters seems prepared to analyze this move, so I feel obliged to speculate for you.

Let’s start with the few facts that we know about our president — omitting the numerous “fake facts” we have become accustomed to. Undeniably, the leading fact about our leader is that he has a continental-sized ego. He cannot stand to be surpassed in any endeavor. Unfortunately, there are 43 or 44 names between his and the man ranked best among past presidents. The competition is easier between Trump and the man ranked worst of all presidents — Andrew Johnson of Tennessee. Our president would pretty plainly surpass Lincoln’s successor in the lamentable list of terrible chief executives — especially if he made a worse deal on a land purchase than did Johnson.

Johnson bought Alaska from Russia for something over $7 million, rushing the deal through Congress so maybe the citizens wouldn’t notice. They did, however, and called the initiative “Seward’s Folly” after the Secretary of State who handled the paperwork for Johnson. I don’t think Trump would want to yield the print space to Secretary of State Pompeo; he would insist on having it known as “Trump’s Deal for the Ages,” or some such extravagant title — particularly if it becomes a real estate bonanza after the president leaves office and presumably returns to his original career of buying and selling properties.

Nevertheless, I don’t think an ace developer like Donald J. would be satisfied by a chunk of raw land no matter how well located. He might well insist that the deal include some of the small Danish islands in the North Sea, thus making the U.S.A. into a European power eligible for membership in the EU.

But back to this continent: Adding another state would make a great complication for flag designers among others. There’s no way that 51 stars could be fit into the blue space allotted. The only solution would be to oblige South Carolina and North Carolina, or South Dakota and North Dakota to merge, or simply push Rhode Island or Delaware to be absorbed by a neighbor. Greenland as a name would have to be changed — it sounds too much like a Democrat candidate. We’ll call it Trumpland.

And bear in mind that with the addition of the new state Greenland, Maine and the other New England acres would become Mid-Atlantic states. Canada might begin to feel a bit crowded. Can you read the tweet from the president: “Trump makes compelling offer for the Canadian Maritimes.” And then the next day, “Canada accepts Trump deal: in exchange for the Maritimes, each Canadian citizen will get a lifetime visa to spend winters in Florida.”

Let’s not forget that global warming is behind this transaction. The faster the ice cover melts, the sooner Trump enterprises can profit. Now you can begin to understand this administration’s polices to promote global warming despite gloomy warnings. Now you know how confident Donald is that he can replace Tennessee Andrew in that worst-president-of-all-time slot.

Henry Precht is a retired Foreign Service Officer.