Dawn De Busk

By Dawn De Busk

BN Columnist

How dare anyone call Maine dysfunctional?

I saw a TV news segment about the lift of the government shutdown last week. The captions said Maine was dysfunctional. Did I hear the word dysfunctional associated with my fair Maine? Did my favorite TV news anchors just say “dysfunctional” in the same sentence as “Maine?”

What the heck? What the H E double hockey sticks? Maine is not dysfunctional. I bear witness to it.

Were they talking about Maine’s budget? Yeah, well, California declared bankruptcy because that state unwisely outspent its income. Okay, not the entire state of California, but a bunch of cities or counties went bankrupt. I read about it somewhere not too long ago.

States with bigger populations and more of a boom-bust economy have fared far worse than Maine. Gee, there has to be like 20 or more states operating at a deficit worse than Maine’s. That puts the Pine Tree State in the middle of the pack.

And, I believe Maine will still present a reasonable budget.

Did someone just ask if I believe in the Tooth Fairy? No, of course I don’t. That’s not what is up for debate here. I am talking about someone calling Maine dysfunctional not someone with a pretty face and iridescent wings who places money under children’s pillows.

As far as the state budget, I believe that if all the services and costs including administration were cut by the same percentage across the board, the outgoing funds would be the same number as the revenue.

Eureka! I’ve struck gold on the solution for the State of Maine’s budget. Be fair — decrease every single line-item in the budget by the same exact percentage.

Obviously, a math equation must be used and I am really too busy defending Maine’s honor to figure it out.

The state should not go into 2018 owing a debt for budget over-expenditures. The state should not put unreasonable taxation on its citizens and the hard-working people who do business in Maine.

The budgetary Juju Bean is spend less and wait for an improved economy (and tax payments) to produce more money in the state coffers.

It’s only a matter of time. With the economy on a rebound and statewide vehicle sales and registrations going up, there will be plenty of excise tax. Plus, Gov. LePage needs to stop people from driving to sales-tax-less New Hampshire to pick up their new ride. Write a bill that coerces Mainers to support local car dealers. Hold up, as a hybrid Libertarian party person, I could NOT in good faith subscribe to such a law since its passage would take freedom from the people. Oh yeah, that’s right, the bill hasn’t even been written.

How about reducing the sales tax on car lots so people stay in Maine instead of straying away with their dollars?

As some of you might be advising — I am taking a deep breath now.

Whew! I have used 504 valuable words to explain my take on the state budget. Maybe, I am secretly hurt that Channel 6 news team did not choose me to be interviewed for their segment about Maine being dysfunctional.

My point is: Maine is the opposite of that. Not dysfunctional. My PC’s Thesaurus offered no alternate words and I am too busy trying to show the error in calling Maine dysfunctional to consult my synonym finder.

Here are a myriad of valid reasons proving that Maine is truly the best. Big Sebago Lake, Moosehead Lake, all the other lakes and ponds, the rivers and the creeks that feed the lakes and ponds, the people who protect our water sources including the vast majority of homeowners coexisting in the shoreland zone, the marinas, the boat owners, the tourists, the vistas that show off the mountains and lakes, the forests thick with ferns and wildlife. The noise of summer softball at well-loved sports fields, the local farmers’ markets, festivals and outdoor concerts, the ice cream stands always close by.

There is nothing dysfunctional about that stuff.

In fact, people love Maine so much — they live here, they send their kids to camp here, they buy a second home here, they open up a business here. Maine is totally like in the top ten list of safest places to live.

To boot, Maine always lands on the top 10 lists of most taxes and lowest income.

Oh shoot, I meant to withhold that information so disregard it.

Dear reader, don’t you love my lack of logic?

Don’t you find both flaw and humor in the arguments we humans make based on emotion? How funny we become grabbing at straws, ill-gotten information, and second-hand insight to prove a point? In this week’s column, I am shining a psychological LED flashlight on behavior. I am putting a spotlight on the experience of becoming so fond of something as to throw logic and hard cold facts into the shadowed areas. Or perhaps, I am aiming at state politics and the state budget when my real bulls’ eye is bragging a bit about Maine.

Oh, I am still not being 100 percent truthful. I wanted to brag a whole ton – plus a three-quarter-ton pickup – about Maine. This is my way of saying I love Maine to the moon and back.