Mike Corrigan

By Mike Corrigan
BN Columnist
Ten school districts in Texas have claimed from military surplus 64 M-16 rifles, 18 M-14s (apparently for shooting middle schoolers), 25 automatic pistols (elementary kids?) and magazines, with a total capacity of 4,500 rounds.
While some left-wing loonies worry about the continuing militarization of local police departments, and even about the provisions for civil defense through the recent grants of small arms and ammo to the post office (to protect stamps and self-sealing envelopes) and the Department of Agriculture (sugar beets), Texans have far more to worry about.
“You call that protection?” said the chairman of the legislature’s Joint Committee on Shooting Anything That Moves and Electrocuting Anything That Doesn’t. “We’ll be back for more.”
The implication of the disbursement of weapons and ammunition to so many federal departments, including NOAA, which is concerned with weather events such as hurricanes and mob violence, is to be ready to deputize all federal agents when martial law inevitably is declared.
Not wanting Texas to get too far ahead in patriotism and death dealing, Louisiana has requested disbursement of “five or 10” tactical nuclear weapons. “You never know when you may want to nuke somebody,” Louisiana explained.
All this as part of America’s continuing War on Americans. Keep low.
Horror masks
It is no coincidence that Election Day follows so closely on the heels of Halloween, or on the metatarsals of Halloween, for those skeletons have lost their heels in the rush.
The top-selling mask in America this Halloween season — yes, Halloween is a season, we just pointlessly go from promotion to promotion now — is: Hillary Clinton.
Can’t wait for 2016!
No, YOU drop out
Two weeks ago, Maine Governor Paul LePage asked Independent challenger Eliot Cutler to drop out of the race for Maine’s top job, insisting Cutler had an unfair advantage, since he certainly would garner 100% of the vote in Cutler, Maine and in Eliot, Maine.
Last week, Cutler brilliantly responded to the challenge by urging Democratic challenger Mike Michaud to drop out of the race. For some reason, Michaud refused.
Despite the fact that it was clearly Michaud’s turn to demand that LePage drop out of the race, there was a surprise. Yesterday, Libby Mitchell, the Democratic standard bearer in 2010, asked all three candidates to drop out.
“Maine has never had a woman governor,” Mitchell explained. “Besides, they’re all tools of corporate America. Then again, who am I kidding, so am I.”
If drafted, Mike will not run when Elizabeth Mitchell drops out. “Lewiston already has enough power,” he told us. “We don’t even require military surplus to shoot our citizens.”